DAY 3

She really doesnt get it? All the shoo shooing i spoke about and the secret society bullshit where she and the creature are always together mumbling about some secret society club stuff that i'll most likely never know about hurts. And ive said it before it will hurt. But its like oh fuck her, lets just flaunt it all. Flaunt all the bullshit. Flaunt that the baby daddy apparently stays over in a room behind a closed door. Flaunt that oh like she siad at least Giselle could give her her first grandchild. I just wanna move out of here as fast as possible and forget these fake uncaring people

DAY 2 Back in the home

I really feel so sad. I dont know what to do. I cant really say much. I ended things with ryan yesterday and felt much less than I feel right now. All my emotions are channeled into the fact that I have no family. I feel like a permanent loner and judging by what I did yesterday, i may never get the whole shebang. I just wish people would accept and love me for who I am. I just wish the mother would understand that im an outsider, Even more so with the new creature in town Im even more of a minute specimen. I really just wish I would die. No one would miss me. Ive run through the scenario numerous times. If a burgular breaks in and has to take someone hostage, I'll go, ill be the least missed and i think everyone would volunteer me cuz I have the least to lose.

Im Single again...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AwaA85nEbE

First time i did this by choice, made it my own decision. But it needed to be done. I wasnt happy. And i guess its best i see about myself before I compromise for anyone. As for how i'll feel tomorrow, i dont know. But there has to be some sort of freaking glitter I in the rainclouds.

Hold me when Im here, love me when Im gone

I just realized that im living for people and as a result dying in myself. Im not happy yet I try too hard to make them proud and make them happy. I never feel loved but I try 2 give love. I just wish someone would understand, really understand how I feel, how sad I get, how lonely I am....but i just need to shut up, mask it all and  take and take and take until im dead

The profession

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgaSawXk6JU

My profession of choice is supposed to be one of compassion, one  characterised by caring, feeling individuals. However Im beginning to realize just because you're paid to do it doesnt mean you are it. Tpday has been one of the toughest days of my life. A day of learning about people and more importantly, about myself. Im a crybaby, and usually that shouldnt be seen as a bad thing by a practicing psychologist. However today I was treated with the Caribbean Adult response. "What you crying for?. Is that really how its supposed to be. That you treat someone with hostility because they express a basic human emotion. Im tired because I tried. I did not deserve hostility. I feel like i have 2 options, just give up, or prove her wrong by excelling in her exam....I choose the latter

EVERYBODY'S TALKING!

Do you really love me, underneath it all? Thats the question I wonder if he wants to ask me. A year ago, a resounding yes, a night ago, a shrug, a deflection. The truth is, im human, I want to be loved. But i also want respect. I want to be adored. But not be allowed to treat you like a doormat. I wanna be treasured, and proudly display them and boast look what he gave me. Do I have that? No! So until then, I am not really happy.

Msc Applied Psychology Programme, CH

I know some will say the programme is relatively new, so I shouldnt bash it. But oh come on!  Here we have something that I signed up for, paid for, yet lecturers cant lecture. They come to class unprepared. The textbooks have not yet arrived 2 weeks before exams begin. And lecturers sometiimes can come across plain rude and unhelpful. Especially madame revered senator. If anyone out there reads this and is thinking about signing up, save your money, go elsewheere or give it some years. Because this toddler sure cant even walk yet!