Monday, March 30, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Abuse
Although I may not know about physical abuse, having never really been touched by a male aggressively, i realise now i may know a thing or two about emotional abuse. I am still reeling in its effects. Having been told that i'll only marry you if you do this, or women wear red lipstick and nailpolish, even today i sit and think how weak was I. How weak do all of us women get? That we let these men, assert control over us. I still cry. Cry that i took the cheating, cry that i accepted the pain cry because I STILL HURT. Yet still I hope to overcome it all. As Maya Angelou said, Yet still I rise. I hope to rise above this all. To have my heart for me and not Give it to anyone, but loan it to them, to help me carry it. Until then I have to pick up the pieces
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
Something i read, find interesting
> Read This - Is It Doesn't Matter If You're Married, Single or Engaged > >
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, 'I've got something > to tell you. > She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. > Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. 'I > want a divorce.' I raised the topic calmly. > > She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, 'Why?' I avoided her > question. This made her angry. She threw away > the chopsticks and shouted at me, 'You are not a man!' > > That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had > happened to our marriage. But I could hardly > give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. > > I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce > agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. > > She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with > me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not > take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. > Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was > actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to > be firmer and clearer now. > The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't > have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an > eventful day with Dew. > > When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and > was asleep again. In the morning she > presented her divorce conditions: > She didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested > that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. > > Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt > him with our broken marriage. > This was agreeable to me. But she has something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her > into out bridal room on our wedding day. > She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front > door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I > accepted her odd request. > I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No > matter what tricks she applies, she has to > face the divorce, she said scornfully. > My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. > So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, > 'Daddy is holding Mummy in his arms.' His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to > the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. > > She closed her eyes and said softly, 'Don't tell our son about the divorce.' I nodded, feeling > somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove > alone to the office. > On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the > fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. > I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! > > Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. > On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman > who had given ten years of her life to me. > > On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell > Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday > work-out made me stronger. > She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a > suitable one. Then she sighed, 'All my dresses have grown bigger.' > > I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more > easily. > > Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I > reached out and touched her head. > Our son came in at the moment and said, 'Dad, it's time to carry Mum out.' To him, seeing his > father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our > son to come closer and hugged him tightly. > > I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held > her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, > through the sitting room, to the hallway. > > Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our > wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. > > On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to > school. > > I held her tightly and said, 'I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.' > I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any > delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. > Dew opened the door and I said to her, 'Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.' > She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. 'Do you have a fever?' she asked. I moved > her hand off my head. > 'Sorry, Dew,' I said, 'I won't divorce.' My marriage life was boring probably because she and I > didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. > > Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her > until death do us apart. > > Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into > tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. > At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me > what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I'll carry you out every morning until death do us > apart.' > The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, > the car, the property , the money in the bank, ah... blah..blah. > These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. > So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build > intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! > If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a > marriage. >
When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, 'I've got something > to tell you. > She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. > Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. 'I > want a divorce.' I raised the topic calmly. > > She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, 'Why?' I avoided her > question. This made her angry. She threw away > the chopsticks and shouted at me, 'You are not a man!' > > That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had > happened to our marriage. But I could hardly > give her a satisfactory answer, she had lost my heart to a lovely girl called Dew. > > I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce > agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. > > She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with > me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not > take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. > Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was > actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to > be firmer and clearer now. > The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't > have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an > eventful day with Dew. > > When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and > was asleep again. In the morning she > presented her divorce conditions: > She didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested > that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. > > Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt > him with our broken marriage. > This was agreeable to me. But she has something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her > into out bridal room on our wedding day. > She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front > door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I > accepted her odd request. > I told Dew about my wife s divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No > matter what tricks she applies, she has to > face the divorce, she said scornfully. > My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. > So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, > 'Daddy is holding Mummy in his arms.' His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to > the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. > > She closed her eyes and said softly, 'Don't tell our son about the divorce.' I nodded, feeling > somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove > alone to the office. > On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest.. I could smell the > fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. > I realised she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! > > Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her. > On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman > who had given ten years of her life to me. > > On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell > Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday > work-out made me stronger. > She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a > suitable one. Then she sighed, 'All my dresses have grown bigger.' > > I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more > easily. > > Suddenly it hit me, .. she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I > reached out and touched her head. > Our son came in at the moment and said, 'Dad, it's time to carry Mum out.' To him, seeing his > father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our > son to come closer and hugged him tightly. > > I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held > her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, > through the sitting room, to the hallway. > > Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, it was just like our > wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad. > > On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to > school. > > I held her tightly and said, 'I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.' > I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any > delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. > Dew opened the door and I said to her, 'Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore.' > She looked at me, astonished. Then touched my forehead. 'Do you have a fever?' she asked. I moved > her hand off my head. > 'Sorry, Dew,' I said, 'I won't divorce.' My marriage life was boring probably because she and I > didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other anymore. > > Now I realise that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her > until death do us apart. > > Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into > tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. > At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me > what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, 'I'll carry you out every morning until death do us > apart.' > The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, > the car, the property , the money in the bank, ah... blah..blah. > These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. > So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build > intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage! > If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you, but if you do, you just might save a > marriage. >
Monday, February 2, 2009
I promised myself it wouldn happen too soon, i swore i wouldnt but oh gawd, he's sooo sweet. They all are in the beginning, but once again im gonna allow myself to fall. Freefall. I like it, i like falling in love, but picking up the pieces after is always the hard part. Jus wanted 2 gloat. BTW EVERY DAY I THINK I HATE B B MORE AND MORE
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Today
Today was, in as few words possible, beautiful. Yeah i kno, the pictoral imagery rel corny. But thats how it was, the sex wasnt mindblowing, it was personal, fun, and funny. I loved the way i felt and looked. I felt good and appealing naked. I felt watched. I felt wanted. And im finally starting 2 realise sumn, im always left told how much im loved, was love, maybe it really wasnt me. Maybe it was them?
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
My Fireworks
Today it happened. I really like him, did i enjoy the moment, kinda. Too few kisses, caresses and sweet words whispered in my ear. And the brother walkin in part wasnt 2 pleasant.
Monday, January 12, 2009
εïз .. says:
he still makinit sound like he n her were jus frens
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
so i wanted yall 2 see
εïз says:
wasnt he more
εïз .. says:
i never thought u were exaggerating
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i sent him d email on d 15t
εïз .. says:
i jus thought he was abig ass but never thought u were exaggerating
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
is jus as much as i tried 2 explained it felt like if i was d enabler
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
but i havent spoken 2 him in a month
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i saw that this mornin
εïз says:
hes still haunting ur world
εï.. says:
he must know that wud affect u
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
well i replied, jus did
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
jus attatched d pic of him n leiah
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
das it
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
d pic from ole yrs
εïз .. says:
can i see d pic?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
yeh ill fw it 2 u
εïз .. says:
well dey say a picture syas a thousand words
εïз .. says:
i think it makes up for a response
εïз .. says:
i cant understand him
εïз .. says:
i am inclined to thinks hes an ass
εïз.. says:
and just cast him off as selfish
εïз.. says:
but still something
εïз .. says:
telling me he jus lost in his lil world
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
all of d above
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i not fed up, i was fed up, now im annoyed
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
he kno wth he doin
εïз.. says:
well its good dat hs e-mail din throw u offbalanace n u still going strong
εïз .. says:
thats good
εïз.. says:
i guess u will know him best tooo
εïз .. says:
so u must br right
εïз .. says:
not once did he say he liekd leah
εïз .. says:
or he was sexually attracted to her or nuttin
εïз .. says:
he continuously made it sound
εïз .. says:
like is jus a fren he helpn
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
exactly and did u look at d pic
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
he actin like nun goin on
εïз says:
i thoguht she was indian?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
she look more dougla in dat pic
εïз .. says:
they disgustin yes
εïз .. says:
u wud think he wud be wary of wat pics he takin
εïз .. says:
if he was tryna convince u he din like the girl
εïзsays:
u believe he lend her money?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i kno sumn abt carnival costume las yr
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
but they makin 10000s a month
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
so i doubt is that still
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
idk what 2
εïз says:
think that u better off
he still makinit sound like he n her were jus frens
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
so i wanted yall 2 see
εïз says:
wasnt he more
εïз .. says:
i never thought u were exaggerating
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i sent him d email on d 15t
εïз .. says:
i jus thought he was abig ass but never thought u were exaggerating
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
is jus as much as i tried 2 explained it felt like if i was d enabler
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
but i havent spoken 2 him in a month
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i saw that this mornin
εïз says:
hes still haunting ur world
εï.. says:
he must know that wud affect u
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
well i replied, jus did
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
jus attatched d pic of him n leiah
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
das it
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
d pic from ole yrs
εïз .. says:
can i see d pic?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
yeh ill fw it 2 u
εïз .. says:
well dey say a picture syas a thousand words
εïз .. says:
i think it makes up for a response
εïз .. says:
i cant understand him
εïз .. says:
i am inclined to thinks hes an ass
εïз.. says:
and just cast him off as selfish
εïз.. says:
but still something
εïз .. says:
telling me he jus lost in his lil world
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
all of d above
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i not fed up, i was fed up, now im annoyed
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
he kno wth he doin
εïз.. says:
well its good dat hs e-mail din throw u offbalanace n u still going strong
εïз .. says:
thats good
εïз.. says:
i guess u will know him best tooo
εïз .. says:
so u must br right
εïз .. says:
not once did he say he liekd leah
εïз .. says:
or he was sexually attracted to her or nuttin
εïз .. says:
he continuously made it sound
εïз .. says:
like is jus a fren he helpn
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
exactly and did u look at d pic
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
he actin like nun goin on
εïз says:
i thoguht she was indian?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
she look more dougla in dat pic
εïз .. says:
they disgustin yes
εïз .. says:
u wud think he wud be wary of wat pics he takin
εïз .. says:
if he was tryna convince u he din like the girl
εïзsays:
u believe he lend her money?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i kno sumn abt carnival costume las yr
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
but they makin 10000s a month
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
so i doubt is that still
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
idk what 2
εïз says:
think that u better off
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