Sometimes i wonder if i overestimate my acheivements, my successes
I think most mothers would be proud of what I acheived, undergrad then masters and next phd
But my mother, she's just like blah
I think she would be more proud of me if i settled down and got married even if unhappily
Would have been more proud if i could have given her a grandchild
Would have been more proud if i were less smart
Would have been prouder if I were prettier
But I am not
I feel like a perpetual disappointment.
The only REAL thing keeping me from killing myself is my student loans. Im not sefish enough to leave them to pay it.
But maybe after, when im done, i will
Because i really do hate who I am and hate my life
I think most mothers would be proud of what I acheived, undergrad then masters and next phd
But my mother, she's just like blah
I think she would be more proud of me if i settled down and got married even if unhappily
Would have been more proud if i could have given her a grandchild
Would have been more proud if i were less smart
Would have been prouder if I were prettier
But I am not
I feel like a perpetual disappointment.
The only REAL thing keeping me from killing myself is my student loans. Im not sefish enough to leave them to pay it.
But maybe after, when im done, i will
Because i really do hate who I am and hate my life
1 comment:
It seems that the desires of your mother are rather more concerned with features of a person that will disappear soon. Beauty fades, and then there's just your brain. Why would you even want a child now? :( I think you're a pretty cool person from all your posts, which I've followed for a while. I hope you realise that you don't need the approval of your mother for your worth, as it turns out, you're a great person from what you appraise yourself as
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