Dear Rene,
Here’s a question for you. I’ve always had a crush on my older sister’s now, ex-fiance. Susan and Matt dated for two years and broke up about a year ago. During a girl’s night out, I ran into Matt at a local bar and we spent quite a bit of time catching up. It felt great because it was like seeing an old friend.
When it was time to leave, Matt gave me a kiss on the cheek and I felt a spark, a connection with him. I know he did too because he told me he was going to call so we could get together. Needless to say, I felt like I was walking on air when I left the bar.
Rene, I really like him but of course, I am worried about how this will all shake out. Is this a good or bad idea? What are the rules when it comes to dating my sister’s ex-fiance?
Sheila
Chicago
Dear Sheila:
I think this is a FANTASTIC idea! Listen, when you get married, make sure your sister is your maid of honor and recruit her to throw your first baby shower. Then ask her if she’d be your birthing buddy when you push out all 2.5 kids that you and Matt will have as part of your perfect, happy little family. SHEESH! Really lady? In case you don’t know, that is SARCASM spelled out with a highlighter, in all caps with a red neon arrow pointing at it because apparently your common sense gauge is broken. Here’s how I see it.
IT WILL CRUSH YOUR SISTER: Yes, Matt and Susan are no longer seeing one another but at one time, they had a deep connection and were planning on sharing their lives together. That train jumped the tracks and a left trail of bloody carnage in its wake. A year later, I’m sure there’s a part of Susan that still cares for Matt; in fact, she may still be trying to get over him. You parading him around like you got the best toy from the Cracker Jack box is not going to be conducive to her healing. In fact, it’s ugly and mean, which brings me to my next point…
WHAT’S GOING ON IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR SISTER? I’m not a psychologist as I have said before but the fact that you would even consider this makes me wonder about the underlying issues between you and Susan. Why are you doing this? You want something the older sister had? Is this your chance to have some crazy power over her? A chance to cut her deep? Because if you start dating her ex you will do just that. She might even find out that you had a crush on Matt all along. Then how will Susan feel? How will YOU feel? And speaking of motives and underlying issues, what is up with Matt? Why is HE doing this and what makes him think this is okay? Chew on that for just a second and then…
RUN FAR, FUN FAST: This is real life, not Lifetime. This is real emotion with real people involved. I have one sister and when she divorced her first husband, I wanted to kick that cad right in the keister for hurting my sister the way he did. Who knows what happened between Matt and Susan but it probably wasn’t good given that they’re not still together. Look, there are just some things that violate life’s Big Book of Rules and this is one of them. I’m sure you could make the argument for your personal happiness and you and Matt were destined to be together. I’m not buying it and I doubt your sister will either. The “ick” factor is hovering quite high here. Just don’t do it.
Oh and that “connection” you felt when Matt kissed you on the check? Yeah, that was booze talking. Ignore it. There are tons fish in the sea. If you care about your sister and her feelings, you’ll cast your net in another direction.
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