What would they say

I have this really strange habit. When i read about a death in the papers or hear of the death of someone, the first thing I do is take to the web to get a glimpse of what they looked like, what they did, who they were. Often facebook and google search or some friend of a friend's satisfies that thirst for knowledge but today, as I hear of another young stranger that has died, I begin to ask myself what would people find from me, that says who I am? My facebook is tightly locked and my blog is as anonymous as anonymous can be. So really, what could they say? So maybe I should have a say in who i am and what im about

1) I dont know what i want to become but i do know I want to be someone that matters, in a profession that helps people, not only a profession that makes money
2) I attended SJC, one of the three in the country and despite the fact that back then i hated being called a convent girl, i proclaim it bravely and proudly today.
3) I cry easily, not to get attention but because i often feel overwhelmed
4) I suffer from trichotillomania, trichophagia and hyperhydrosis
5) I love love love to read and i love to frequent the formerly $10 used book store in chaguanas
6) I used to love love love dating and love love love boys, now im sort of a feminist
7) I hate girls who act oblivious to their boyfriend's infidelities or excuse it as normal male behaviour
8) I could see myself working for the U.N
9) I think breaking up with someone is one of the hardest things to do but sometimes it has to be don
10) Where the eff is my prince charming?
11) Only my friends understand me
12) I think its imperative teachers undergo teachers training before they begin to teach
13) I love Indian movies, like obsessed and its kind of strange that my indian friends make fun of me for it
14) I love that i pushed with my spanish to Cape Level because i secretly enjoy evesdropping on tourists
15) I have one bff in the world who doesnt even know about this blog


Thats just a bit of who I am.  more pieces of my obit to follow as the chapters of the comedy called my life ensues

the flu

ugh i h8 the flu i feel disgusting, am roasting and sound oh so attractive

I dont wanna go back

Im crying right now because as is all things with my life, what;'s bad can only get worse... Im afraid of having to sit in class. Im afraid that she'll announce that she failed me. Im afraid of being lonely and hearing everyone else proclaim that they passed. I passed the exams, got B+ and A's but failed cuz she told me I would. The only thing I know for sure is that I really do like Developmental Psych ( what i really really wanted to do) reaffirmed by the fact that I didnt study but pulled off an 82.  I need strength for this upcoming semester because right now, I only foresee turning back and going home in a week

Witch 1: Me:0

Idk what to do, after giving me a personal phone call telling me i passed the course, she fails me

Karma

Is having fun taking in the mini drama brewing between the members of the Bissembar family (karma) and fake profiles. It makes absolutely no sense fighting with people who hide behing a pc

The visit

Today I paid 500 dollars to be shrunk by a shrink. And I realized that there is a legitimacy in what Im studying, there is some need for the profession. As it was know, ive been really down and feeling alone. Truth is few people understand me and unless they do, they'll hate me or think im quite immature. But truth is today i saw that maybe i just need to forge through all the BS, get my MSC and just say FU to the haters. And maybe in a few years i can just wave a few hundred dollar bills in your face and say suck it

Its not real until I buy a ticket....

I  so refuse to buy a ticket although I know i run the risk of missing my first class. I dont want to go bk 2 that hell hole. Anyway enough bitching about my life being a perfect graveyard for buried hopes (thank you Anne of Green Gables). I agreed to step out of my house with Lord Voldemort. Lord Voldemort in my case is the most evils of evil boyfriends I had, he lied, he cheated, he cried, i forgave, he lied, he cheated, he cried i forgave, he lied and i said gtfo my house! The cycle ended. But recently I reopened that channel by answering the phone n such, but do I want him back???? Oh hell no! Forward ever backward never is the mantra with exes and i think all girls should adopt it. An ex is an ex for no reason, I digress... Anywho so i agreed to go out with him manana, why? I now need some lie to get myself out of it. Yes I said lie because no way on God's green earth am I getting into a vehicle with He Who Shall Not Be Named

One day closer

Aah im one day closer to returning to hell and in my mind im trying to mentally prepare for a semester of being bullied stressed and provoked to insanity by madame psychologist senator. I dont think i can tell an authority figure where to go with her nonsense because i havent been raised to speak back to adults. I remmeber the one time i ever spoke up to an authority figure, my piano teacher, Miss Nimblett when she called me stupid , the whisper of a murmur of "im not stupid." I remmeber internally quaking in my boots but at the same time feeling proud that i did something i never thought I could do. But could I really stand up to madame psychologist senator? The woman in charge of handing out my grades. Nope! Im too much of a coward. So instead i'll just sit there and hum a Lil wayne song that hopefully has tons of bad words and tune her out.


ps..bullying isnt only perpetrated by students, teachers as well and sometimes its even more vicious

The promises to self on day 21

Yes im still counting, yes i never forget. Ive been back home 3 weeks exact and despite not completely excited to go back 2 school, i cant wait to leave this madhouse. The events of the 16th december (being thrown out the car by the guys) leaves a lot of change to be expected of next semester but I await a new adventure. I await having to deal with the senator/lecturer/beast/ and have promised myself to pick up myself and quietly leave if insults and terrorism ensues. I also have promised myself to not fall back into my comfort zone in my few remaining days here and give Voldemort the idea that a chance of reconciliation is possible.

An imagined life

Can i press fast forward on the life i was given, or swap lives with someone on tv? No really! I may sound ungrateful but if I had the choice id be raised by the cosbys with a big sister like DJ Tanner and a pet like lassie. A boyfriend like Finn from glee and hair like Serena Vanderwoodsen. Id go to Yale or Princeton or Stanford and be the envy of everyone I know. But then again, having everyone jealous of me wouldnt be too much fun would it? Im  rambling on but the point is, I have what i have; shitty parents, no boyfriend atm and I attend UWI but I resolved that im not going to feel sorry for myself anymore and work with what I have. I think...

My rules for dating me-for now

1) You must be able to dress yoruself well
2) You must have impeccable manners
3)Your pockets must be fat, or on the road to becoming fat
4) You must not have a potty mouth
5) You must know how to ___________
6)You must remember I am a princess. After all, my dog is named Diva
7) You must love my friends
8) My friends must love you
9) You must know how to be supportive
10)You must realize im no fool and welcome me as an equally weighted pathner

RP of trincity

Dear rp,


After today, how you treated me, im glad i got out of this so called relationship. You call up and cuss someone who has just left the hospital, on anti anxiety meds, under severe stress to tell them go fuck themself, you wish them dead. I know now i really made the best decision. I wasted 2 years on you. Two years on someone who only had a 2 piece and fries to share to offer me, or at least who was willing to. Two years on someone who held hate, who has now begun to show me hate when all i asked for was love. But for 2011, all i ask is that you learn to love your flabby self. Learn to accept your vindictive self. Learn to appreciate what you had.  Because you never really did

Written, your ex from 2008-2010 (They were good years)

Why

Why did he have to turn out to be such an uncaring asshole. I was hoping that at least even after i'd be able to say yeh we broke up but he was one of the good ones. But he just turned out to be another selfish uncaring cheating dunm fuck