Today

Today was, in as few words possible, beautiful. Yeah i kno, the pictoral imagery rel corny. But thats how it was, the sex wasnt mindblowing, it was personal, fun, and funny. I loved the way i felt and looked. I felt good and appealing naked. I felt watched. I felt wanted. And im finally starting 2 realise sumn, im always left told how much im loved, was love, maybe it really wasnt me. Maybe it was them?

My Fireworks

Today it happened. I really like him, did i enjoy the moment, kinda. Too few kisses, caresses and sweet words whispered in my ear. And the brother walkin in part wasnt 2 pleasant.

εïз .. says:
he still makinit sound like he n her were jus frens
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
so i wanted yall 2 see
εïз says:
wasnt he more
εïз .. says:
i never thought u were exaggerating
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i sent him d email on d 15t
εïз .. says:
i jus thought he was abig ass but never thought u were exaggerating
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
is jus as much as i tried 2 explained it felt like if i was d enabler
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
but i havent spoken 2 him in a month
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i saw that this mornin
εïз says:
hes still haunting ur world
εï.. says:
he must know that wud affect u
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
well i replied, jus did
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
jus attatched d pic of him n leiah
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
das it
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
d pic from ole yrs
εïз .. says:
can i see d pic?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
yeh ill fw it 2 u
εïз .. says:
well dey say a picture syas a thousand words
εïз .. says:
i think it makes up for a response
εïз .. says:
i cant understand him
εïз .. says:
i am inclined to thinks hes an ass
εïз.. says:
and just cast him off as selfish
εïз.. says:
but still something
εïз .. says:
telling me he jus lost in his lil world
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
all of d above
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i not fed up, i was fed up, now im annoyed
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
he kno wth he doin
εïз.. says:
well its good dat hs e-mail din throw u offbalanace n u still going strong
εïз .. says:
thats good
εïз.. says:
i guess u will know him best tooo
εïз .. says:
so u must br right
εïз .. says:
not once did he say he liekd leah
εïз .. says:
or he was sexually attracted to her or nuttin
εïз .. says:
he continuously made it sound
εïз .. says:
like is jus a fren he helpn
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
exactly and did u look at d pic
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
he actin like nun goin on
εïз says:
i thoguht she was indian?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
she look more dougla in dat pic
εïз .. says:
they disgustin yes
εïз .. says:
u wud think he wud be wary of wat pics he takin
εïз .. says:
if he was tryna convince u he din like the girl
εïзsays:
u believe he lend her money?
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
i kno sumn abt carnival costume las yr
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
but they makin 10000s a month
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
so i doubt is that still
Oh no, plz dont tell me Blair screwed Jack Bass!! says:
idk what 2


εïз says:
think that u better off

Ok now that the year is nearing close i look forward not back. I am trying to develop a new outlook, not to stay mum but to shout it out loud, not to fall blindly but to step cautiously, but mostly, to protect my most fragile asset, my heart. Yeh i met R and sometimes when im with him i feel as giddy and childish as i did before. Yet i maintain control. I hold the reins! I steer my course! You're fun, you're cute and you're mind for the moment, lest i not forget this is a temporary arrangement. Nothing lasts forever. But ill let you hold my hand, and i'll hold yours and for the time being, promise to be faithful. Thats the least I can do!!

I guess its so easy for my mood to be reflected in my blog. You make me so angry. You're a dog. You're a liar. You're evil. You did nothing in the end but break me down and reduce me to the bitter bitch i am now. And you know what I hate who im once again becoming, someone like you.
Someone selfish and hurtful and uncaring and only thinking with my sex drive. I HATE YOU AND I HATE ALL YOU'VE BECOME. I HATE THE PERSON I AM NOW AND I WONT EVER TRUST ANOTHER AGAIN!!!!

My life starts here!

Ok this year was one of the hardest. So many trials so much drama, so much heartbreak. I was in love, everyone knows this, and i still get i cant believe yall broke up, yall were so perfect together. But looking perfect just isnt enough. We barely fought, until then. We barely quarrled, until then, we barely hurt one another, until then. He was the one i looked up to, the one i turned to support, for guidance and he was also the one who let me down, then picked me up and promised me, let me down, then did it again then let me down. Now here i stand. The remnants of a thrice broken heart wondering where to go from here. When my friends in relationships turn to me for answers all i could say is, look at me, look at my situation, look at the cycles i have been in for the past year, do i really look like someone who could offer good advice. Do i really look like someone who could help. Im emotionally shattered and heartbroken. Im second best. Im not good enough. I honestly do hate my life, at least the one i had in 2008. It was supposed to be the year, my year and look who i am. Look where i am, i dont even know. Ive been pushing everyone away and pretending and smiling and trying to look happy but i really dont know what im doing. He taught me how to be a better person, in fact i wanted to become a better person for him but it just wasnt enough. Im learning that you just cant trust people. That people only care about themselves.Im trying to do the same. Maybe then ill finally learn to love myself again.

ALL MEN ARE EVIL
IF I EVER FORGET THAT REFER ME BACK TO THIS BLOG
THEY'RE SELFFISH
THEY'RE MANIPULATIVE
THEY'RE HURTFUL
THEY MAKE US FEEL FAT
THEY MAKE US FEEL BAD ABOUT OURSELVES
THEY MAKE US INSECURE
THEY MAKE US INTO JEALOUS BITCHES
THEY CRITICIZE US FOR BEING JEALOUS BITCHES
THEY KNOCK US UP AND DUMP US
THEY TELL US THEY LOVE US THEN THEY LEAVE US
THEY DONT HAVE A CLUE!!!!