Lyrical Emotions

Im sitting here studying, yes i know, how could i be studying while on this site but there's so much on my mind. The teddy bear he sent me in the mail, I HATE IT. Its ugly and quite frankly it reminds me of him. Him who do you ask. Him, the boyfriend. Yes, I can hear you, this girl is screwed up. And worse yet, when i said um yeh thanks for the bear, um it kinda looks like you, the proud ass said yeh i know thats why i picked it. Ugh! I really dont know what to do. Can anyone out there help me? Im looking for love, real love, like mary j blige wrapped up in all the sweetness like mandy moore's candy (ooh baby babyy i miss u) and topped of with some mariah carey's I cant live with living is without you. Is that too much 2 ask. Well im just patiently hoping to catch the love bug again

DONE

DUMPED
DUPED
DEMOLISHED
DESTROYED
DEVASTATED
DERILICT
DECEITFUL
DESERVING
DEPENDANT
DYING
DRYING EYES
NOT CRYING
PAIN
HURT
ALONE
KARMA
DONE~!

Better off dead

Maybe, the life i see, is just a dream, an illusion
.Maybe, this life i live isnt mine, but that of another person.
 Disrespect, Discontent, Disbelief, Dispair, Distrust,
Never Enough, Not good enough a life full of tears
I cry, and no one cares
They cry and everyone sees
They cry and the world stops spinning
I cry and have to just keep faking
Faking a smile
Pretending to care
While thinking fuck the world
Its just too much, yet i have lived so long compared to many unfortuntate ones
but why do i look to Judas' branch
Judas' tree to close my eyes
Im tired, i want, to not feel, to not care. To just say shut the fuck up
To just be me,  why cant everyone else be me
Why cant everyone else share my insane thoughts
Incoherent, psychotic, lonely
Take them all
Ambien, thats all i want, one little pill
and Say Cheese!!

Dear mother

It feels as if we had a superficial relationship. As if I cant speak to you. As if you dont want to hear what I say. It has always felt like in our house, the voices to be heard have always gone in the order of G You Me Boy. To me, she has always had cntrol of the house, and you, and your actions and as a result I feel like I could do no more than resent her. And I resent her to a point to which I dont understand. You say that you have always been fair and equal in your affection , but in no way has that even been close to being true. You never even notice the ease with which she can come to you with something, but the hesitance with which I have brought things to you. And trust me, I have learnt over time that its easier for me to deal with stuff myself than come to you because we dont have that.  She can tell you she slept with tom dick and harry, and got this and that rash, and its your little secret, you treat her like a saint. Yet in my mind, with all my actions I constantly hear you nagging that I am the oldest, I have an example to set.You fail to notice this. I feel like I am too old to be feeling this way and I hate that I cant just be like screw it all, I got along fine without it, so why bother now. But once again G has triumphed in what I see is a self serving attempt to have you under her beck and call for another 18 years. Where I said ok by 25 I was leaving home to give you your life, I see now that it will never again be your life it will revolve around G, for another 18 years. And I cant just suck it up and be like oh ok, forget it, because to me, once again G steals the show. And it is so upsetting that she does her mess without consequences. No consequences at all and you approve of it all. She lied to your face, but its ok, because in the end it is what it is.So does that mean that I can and could have lied to you, big lies, and dealt with nothing no. And it hurts so bad to think that you're happy abt this child. And to think that you saw it as something meriting being dishonest to me, and it is dishonest. And when you pretend not to understand why Im jealous, its just like ok...  So i feel like i have no place with you people here, in this house, because I am and will always be the outsider. And you see me stating my feelings as me being difficult, but I cannot help how I feel, Upset, Jealous and Lonely because lets face it, as soon as it comes, itll be oh im so happy, G made me proud and Grr is just a bitch who is trying to make everyone's  life a living hell.

I HATE HER

I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER STINKING SELFISH GUTS.  I HATE THAT SHE TAKES EVERYTHING AND SHE WILL ALWAYS BE SEEN AS THE ONLY ONE WHO NEEDS MY MOTHER. I HATE MY MOTHER FOR PERPETUALLY ENABLING HER AND ACTING LIKE SHE CAN DO NO WRONG. FUCK IT!!!!! SHE'S PREGNANT FOR AN IDIOT AT 18 AND PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEED TO HAVE TO LIVE A LIFE AS A SINGLE MOTHER. I HATE MYSELLF I HATE MYSELF I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING SO SHITTING SELFISH. I HATE THAT I CANT SEE THE SILVER LINING AT THE END OF THIS OH GREAT TUNNEL. I HATE THAT IM A PUSHOVER WHILE SHE'S ATAKER. I HATE THAT I CHOSE TO SACRIFICE MY DREAMS OF LANCASTER , THE SIMPLE ROUTE WHILE SHE CHOSE, YES CHOSE TO GET PREGNANT AND EMBROIL EVERYONE IN THIS MESS. IM SELFISH IM SELFISH YES. WHEN I GO AWAY 2 SCHOOL ALL EYES WILL BE ON HER AND HER GLORIOUS OFFSPRING.I HATE THAT IM ALWAYS SECOND TO GET ATTENTION. I HATE THAT SIMONNES MOM HAD TO ASK " IS SHE STILL RUNNING ALL OVER THE PLACE WITH YOUR SISTER? EVERYONE SEES IT BUT THEM!!!!!! EVERYONE AND I HATE IT. I HATE THAT I WAS PULLED OUT OF DANCE BUT ALL THE STOPS WERE MADE TO FORCE G TO GO DANCE. BUT NO ONE SEE IT. I HATE WHEN I POINT OUT SHE'S A LIAR IT IS IGNORED I HATE IT. BE SURPRISED. BUT SHE IS A LITTLE WHORE WHO WILL ALWAYS GET WHAT SHE WANTS AND  I HATE HER I HATE HER I HATE HER. I HATE THAT SHE TOOK AWAY WHAT I WANT. WHAT I MAY NEVER HAVE. WHAT I WAS SUPPOSED 2 BE THE FIRST TO SHARE WITH MY MOTHER I HATE IT. I WILL NEVER HAVE THAT AND I HATE IT. I CANT STAY HERE IN THIS MIND. I CANT TAKE IT ALLL......I NEED SOMEONE 

Im Pathetic

Pathetic to  look into your street every time i'm near
Pathetic to check your tagged to see if im still on your mind
Pathetic to feel my heart skip a beat, when i hear your name
Pathetic to hate seeing her, smiling and want to kick her down
Pathetic to still feel for you after all that was said and done
Pathetic to think  of you when my current has done me wrong
Pathetic to be unalble to wear that charm, pretty charm on my wrist
Pathetic so pathetic to be even composing this

I self diagnosed myself with this....could be freall

Seasonal Depression Overview

Seasonal affective disorder (SAD) is a type of depression that is tied to seasons of the year. Most people with SAD are depressed only during the late fall and winter (sometimes called the "winter blues") and not during the spring or summer. A small number, however, are depressed only during the late spring and summer.

SAD is most common in young adult women, although it can affect men or women of any age. In North America, SAD may affect as many as 6 of every 100 people, more in the Northern portions of the country than in the South. Another 10-20% of people may have a milder form of seasonal mood change.

Like all types of depression, SAD can have a devastating effect on a person’s life. Fortunately, almost all people with SAD can be helped with available therapies.